4th June ‘09
22:20
Home
Hi mom!
Before I start with this let me tell u, I love u more than all these words can ever say. But, I never realized the depth at which I loved u, when you are around. How funny life is, before we get to know what it is, half of it’ll be over. In my case, before I know what true life is, u left me alone.
The actual true life is the time we spend when our loved ones are around. And when they are around, even the failure makes us stay happy. What is winning without any hand to pat on your back? When there is nobody to yell “well done my boy”, what for we do it well? Or forget doing well, why should we do? That’s why I’ve started doing… nothing. Yep! I left everything behind, painting, novels, eating, reading and mainly, living. I am not doing those because I never did those for my sake. I never wrote internal exams for even 30min when u r not at home. Because I don’t need to study for my pleasure. I do such things only because I wanted to see the happiness in your eyes when I achieve something. I still remember the days when I stand on the stage for achieving school first, and the first thing I do is I’ll search for u in the parents block. And I never even consider when that math sir scolds me for the mischievous things I do, but I still remember the day when he complained u regarding my shouting in the class. I still remember how u felt bad and stayed silent till we reached home. That’s the difference between. I considered things only because u do.
The exceptional thing I considered for my own pleasure is my interest on the automobiles. And because I consider that, u do. That’s love. You learned the names of various automobile companies just for a pep talk with me. And later, when I joined college, our talk included the girls I met and your college days. May be that period is the most glorious one in my life. If I stayed at home even in the schooling, then I would have been the pure replica of yours. I still am, but not completely. I got that perfection of yours, and the will too. They are in my DNA.
But I know that the responsibility made you mould your self with the circumstances. I don’t have guts to comment on that. But I know that u are the one I got influenced by. But u left me in the middle of the ocean of life. And I tried to get drowned, but I am still here and alive. And moreover I am sick with the feeling that everybody around are just looking at me helplessly as I am getting spoiled. That’s why I jus thought of getting back on the track. I know it is the toughest task than getting spoiled, but at least let me make those few happy, who care for me. I’ve just thought of it and I think I am on my way back, to the life, but without any love.
When I cried thinking of your absence, she told me one thing, “enduku edustunav? Me amma ne pakkane undi chustu untaru, tanu badha padtaru, please edavaku” I don’t know if u r there or not, but I believed that. Hope I’ll get to the top one day, and I’ll search for u, be there to pat on my back…. Please mom!
