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Painful truth

sometimes truth itself acts cruel while we love to live in dreams thinking that we are happy with what we got, but when someone reveal the truth, we cry for loosing that purest part of ourselves.

To those tears…

24^th day of November 2010

We all have dreams since we are kids, and some of us even have the thoughts to make the dreams into reality. But people like us, compromise most of the times and we use the same for dreams too. Infact we sacrifice our dreams for fulfilling the hungry circumstances. We mould our self so much that sometimes we don’t even remember our destiny. Ofcourse I agree that life is a compromise, but there is a limit, and when we cross that, people call it sacrifice. If we need 13 pegs to satisfy our heads and we had 10, its okay, 7 is compromise, 3 is more than compromise and inspite of having enough bucks for 11pegs and still we don’t drink coz we cant afford 13, then I am sure u r acting like an idiot. Speaking practically, the above mentioned example never exists. Because when it comes to something like drinking, we’ll start for sure and after 6^th or 7^th peg, the guy sitting next to us will be our closest friend and he’ll offer those remaining two pegs to satisfy our heads. So as this example failed, let me give u a better one….

            Most of us have the dream of doing post graduation or PhD or whatever after finishing bongulo b.tech but due to various reasons we get ourselves into some or other job. Actually, this is compromise, but we satisfy ourselves hoping that after we earn enough money, we’ll join in our desired… whatever. if so, why don’t we go out of bar to earn enough money to buy 13pegs? We bury the dream of pursuing pg that we had since we are kids and we fulfil the dream of drinking 13pegs which happens to be infinitely smaller dream than the prior one. Why don’t we start doing something for the bigger dream? Yeah, I have the reason… but enough reasons. Reason for compromising may keep us happy for time being, but after our chapter is finished, if u turn back, u’ll find a stranger in ur life. We can’t do that tomorrow, we don’t even know what tomorrow looks like, we can’t even anticipate, then why are we postponing these things? Enough for now, jus kick all those circumstances and start for ur dreams now, until u don’t do what ur heart says, u r jus like a machine summoned by the circumstances.

Get up and go... life is not about how we mould ourselves, its all about how we mould life itself. Start for a change now, break all the barriers and chase ur destiny..! 

Gujarati thali

Don’t get feared, even though this is about my last day in Ahmedabad, unlike the first day, I’d like to finish this as soon as possible. Because my last post about first day in Ahmedabad was too big and people find it tough to finish it off. So let me break this into pieces, first one, Mr. Prasanth sarkale is really a nice guy. In fact lot more than what I thought he’d be. He was like a nice friend showing all the tourist places, historical monuments etc, he was having so much info regarding almost everything in Ahmedabad. The reason is simple, he loves Ahmedabad and he is, by born curious.

Second, he summoned me not to eat anything all the day because he is taking me to best restaurant in Ahmedabad which serves the famous “Guajarati thali”. I was surprised initially when he told that I must have empty stomach to eat one, before supper we’ll be having empty stomach even if we had our lunch. But he was serious regarding my fasting; therefore I had only two teas and one “irani chai” from “hotel lucky” which serves best tasting tea in whole Ahmedabad. Along with two of his friends, we went to a place called something like “gordvan thali”. Decorated with swords, shields and other such things, it looked like a small palace crowded with all huge human beings. Unlike all the other, this place is bright and people are making noise like in irani café, without smoke, of course. Here no menu coz only thing that is served is thali. So we said four and waiter brought four plates weighing 2kgs each, with more than 1 feet diameter. He kept nine metal cups inside and one by one came and filled all those with colorful, hot…er… liquids, fluids and curries, better if I say eatables. Later another one came and kept two rotis along with a ghee coated biscuit-like thing. The way they serve things is really making me proud; u can feel like a king. I tried to taste everything and the costliest item in plate is a liquid sweet tasting similar to “panchamrutham”.  Before starting main course I was left with small gap in stomach in which nothing other than desserts can fit. But like a warrior, I fought with all my limitations and started eating khichidi with ghee. At that particular movement, I felt like having a buffer in stomach so that everything that tastes good can be tasted. I felt almost like “ego, the critic”, when he ate “ratatoullie”. Therefore I ate that again, and finally, as I can feel food in my neck, I stopped eating, my mouth wants more, but how sad, I got small stomach, small at least in case of “Guajarati thali“. Now, the struggle starts, I must get up and walk. But luckily, a guy came with a brass kettle filled with hot water and I washed my hands with great struggle. I can feel the pain in moving each and every organ in body; I don’t remember eating that much till date. May be dinner at home, when mom used to feed us. But that’s okay, eat and sleep there itself, but now, I got to go.

                After 15min, we were sitting outside the hotel, at around 10pm, with our backs towards highway. I was struggling with all those 23 items I have in stomach and trying my level best to move. I realized “Someone like me must do fasting for at least for a week to enjoy Guajarati thali”     

     

miss you Hyderabad..!

I would, instead, prefer a title 'first day of my real job', but there are two main reasons why I’ve titled as 'miss u hyd'. First reason is it sounds a bit odd, i mean the word 'real job', or if we ignore 'real', someone from inside will shout 'u did home tuitions, radio programme recording and hey! U got salary on cheque too', so I can’t ignore real. Then the second reason is, I am 22 already and I don’t feel like using 'first', that too for a simpler thing called 'job'. I have few complicated things which need the word 'first', so I saved 'first' for them. Now, two words from preferred title are out and I don’t think that u people expect me to use '....day of my....job' as a title. Therefore 'miss u Hyderabad' doesn’t mean it, it just means that I need a title and it must not be 'first day of my real job'.

In fact I am not missing Hyderabad in spite of having enough love. Just a sec... Even though I am bit disturbed and not in a position to give such general statements, I, hereby taking all the rights on my blog, I say... "I am not going to miss anything more than my mom". I have my own reasons to say this, and I am not just saying that, I know that it is the reason. But still, being a human being with not only thoughts, but also with feelings... I miss my home, those roses, shadow under mango tree, I miss my bike, I miss its beat, I miss going out for nothing except for small gear shifting, I miss my evening coffee, as its available here, I miss my coffee-mates, our chit-chat, I miss Mohan even though we talk less normally, I miss his physical presence, I miss those late night talks with kaushik... Oh my god..! I have a big list here; maybe I am making sense of the title.

Coming to the point, that bloody Bikaner special reached Ahmadabad station at 2am, and not on 1st, but on 3rd platform. As this is the worst part of train journey, I hate crossing platforms using foot over bridge, it took 15min to make my mind and as there is no other option, I came to first platform constantly dreaming of drinking a nice coffee on platform 1. Luckily, jus beside steps, I saw a tea stall and to make my dream real, I asked for coffee. That dream made me reach there, so I can ignore it as the purpose is served, but my dreams trust me and I must not betray. So finally I was out and an autowala came asking where to go, I asked for a hotel and he dropped me at hotel vintage and stayed till my luggage was kept in room, I was pleased and asked his name, while giving extra 10rs, “nishan” he said smilingly and left. The first person I met in Ahmadabad, I thought.

Got up at 08:30, with great struggle in snoozing the alarm which started waking me up at 6. Thanks to nokia for providing my mobile with symbian s60 os, whose alarm will snooze for only five times, later you must again set the alarm. Finally reached office at 10:45. I think instead of the word ‘office’ I can say a nice duplex with small lawn and beautiful interiors. First thing I ever thought is to have a house like this, of course, without those employees. Anyway, who wants their boss at home, except those idiots who are eager to get married.

After giving small introduction to receptionist, I was asked to wait upstairs for concerned person. I sat  there dreaming of owning that house and trying to delete those employees from my new home and of course, taking care that I won’t delete that office boy without whom it’s difficult to maintain that house. Interrupting my dream, someone came and gave me a manual regarding a new product for time pass. I took that seriously and after few min, due to my concentration on that, I felt sleepy, then I found that toughest task in office is being awake. That manual was too lucky and someone came to rescue that from me, or else I would have started munching it.

“Mr Prashant Sarkale, marketing executive” he gave his hand.

“Prabhat Raju from Hyderabad, nice to meet u” I gave my hand, taking better care of making an impression.  In fact those four words in last were really not told just like that, without even having a conversation, I used those because I felt so, maybe it was written on his forehead or may be my instincts started working. And it’s true, before the dawn I found that he is a good guy, meeting whom I must feel pleased. He led me into marketing manager’s cabin, where the first thing that caught my attention is a pinup saying “among all the abilities under the sun, I pay the most for the ability to deal with people”, I smiled, and hey..! I really don’t know the reason why I did so.

            He gave me his visiting card along with a brief introduction regarding his education and company. After few minutes of pure silence, he asked

‘And..?’

‘Can I keep your card’ was the first question I asked my trainee on the first day of my job. He smiled, I think, holding back his laugh, and said ‘ya ya of course’. Then the most awaited boss came. After small ‘hi-hello’, he sent me to conference hall along with prashant bhai where we had two hours of serious business. Then we went out to have my lunch, we went to a roadside tea stall which happens to be their adda.  In fact, as we have our hideout at home, we must also have one near office, it’s the most essential thing. As he is leading me, he suggested ‘muska bun’, I nodded as I don’t have any other option. Muska bun can be simply defined as burger without anything in between, except butter. Maska means butter. Still it was good, at least for winning over my hunger. We were again on his splendour nxg, at 30kmph going to give money at his colleague house who went off-station on official work. All the way he kept on telling me regarding the places. While crossing IIM-A, he told ‘u know IIM, here I did my one month diploma’. The first thought that crossed my mind was ananya and krish’s love story from novel ‘two states’. No no, it’s not the problem with my thinking, in fact I finished that in 10hrs, jus yesterday in train hoping to return that in some other station to get a 50% refund. Unfortunately, when I finished reading, the only major station left is Ahmadabad and as I already said, it was 2am, so it remained with me. The second thought was not as stupid as the first one… ”how to get into IIM-A?” Because there were eight guards and moreover the wall is too high to jump. There must be another thought “how to be a student in IIM”, but I skipped that thought coz my b.tech kicked me so hard that right now I am not interested to go for higher studies, and hey..! I don’t regret for that.

           

 After that money was safely handed over to his colleague’s wife, we went to a nearby lake surrounded with small park. These kind of lakes are there in almost all the major localities in Ahmadabad, even though some are much smaller than ECIL ground, it’s nice to have one in each locality. King of all these lakes is Kakariya Lake, which, in fact, is a really nice place to hangout with a girl in evenings. While parking, he left his helmet on bike and I said “if u do the same thing in Hyderabad, you’ll never see that again” and he replied, “we follow equality here, if someone takes mine, I’ll take someone else’s” and he was having chances to do so, coz everyone left their helmet like that. Actually, it’s not a helmet; it’s a plastic cap worth 30rs, so no one will steal that. But in our Hyderabad, people buy a lock even before they think of buying a helmet. In Ahmadabad, if people consider anything seriously, its food and the second thing is food and third too. Then comes family and business. But in Hyderabad, uncles are more concerned about the helmet than their food. Because if traffic police, I mean a married traffic police without having his breakfast, is on streets and u got caught, he won’t ask your lunch box, he’ll, instead, ask your helmet. Because a helmet can buy him not jus breakfast, but he can finish his day with a RC quarter without even going home.

            Later, we started to my hotel for checking out. While crossing a Kaman-like structure, he started telling regarding the Ahmadabad again “this is an entrance gate to Ahmadabad years ago when the city was 5% of whet it is now. Ahmadabad got 12 such gates along with a protecting wall, which, of course was demolished while building new city”. Then there is a Jhulta Minar, which can be shaken. If one minar is shaked, the other one will follow the rhythm. And mind it, this is a structure made with solid rock, centuries ago. There were eight such structures among which six were demolished by british people for finding out the technology in that, but they found nothing, ‘this is India u idiots, anything can happen here’. Among remaining two one disappeared due to ageing and the other one got privilege to look at Prabhat as a pillion on Ahmadabad loving guy’s splendour nxg.

            When we reached railway station road, I gave him directions to my hotel where I stayed yesterday night. But as it was 2am and all those roads are alike, we ended up in wrong lane. I covered my mistake saying “that tea shop looks same as that one where I had coffee in morning” and he replied “all the streets here have a tea shop”. Finally when we got into correct lane, to my surprise, it has a tea shop in same corner, same colour and with identical benches. In fact those two streets have pan shop located exactly the same place and in same direction. Not just these two, all the streets have these tea stalls and pan shops in common. Therefore no wonder that even a great brain with internal GPS fail to locate its destination. So, after checking out, we went directly to another hotel which is nearer to our factory, he said its walk able distance, but it’s like walking from koti to abids, luckily, without any girl who is shopping. During this ride, to make our friendship close to closer, I thought of a nice topic to start with and landed upon movies, after seeing a ‘dubangg’ poster.

“Do u watch hindi movies or gujrathi here?” 

“hindi ka yaar, I watch them a lot”

“Bingo..!” I thought “wow, he used ‘yaar’ instead of Prabhat ji’

Then I continued same topic using my small knowledge of recently released movies. As my last movie is ‘once upon a time in Mumbai’, I started praising and commenting the movie taking care that I am within the limits while commenting the stars. Who knows, he may be a fan of ‘ajay devagun’ or may be ‘imraan hashmi’. Later our discussion paused at shah rukh khan passing through all possible related topics like ajay devagun, aamir khan, salman khan etc. fortunately, he is a big fan of SRK, so he continued the discussion “SRK is the real man, he is the ideal person whom we can take for an inspiration. Once in an interview, he was asked why he is avoiding Hollywood when everyone else is eager to play a role, and you know what he said ‘mhuje swarg dwar pein sipahi banne se acha narakh ke raja bhanke rehna acha lagta hein’ means ‘I feel its better to be a king for hell than to be a guard to heaven’ what a great principle”. I nodded “ya ya” surprised at his involvement in sodi. In fact he translated all those hindi dialogues into English while saying me. But ignoring everything around, he continued “our hero rejected all those offers from Hollywood, how great he is... do u know, he spent his first night on footpath... once when he was passing through a house, he said his producer that someday he is going to buy that house and it is his house now. Moreover have u ever saw him with any girl? Being an actor he doesn’t have any affairs…….” And so on, he continued proudly about SRK.

            Among everything, Mr. Prashant Sarkale is very much fond of few things like Ahmadabad, his job, Narendra modi, SRK, his girlfriend and above all, his parents. His parents run a laundry shop and therefore he started pressing clothes since his 3^rd class. His parents are the main reason why I liked him. There are so many other things that I found special in him, but they are not meant to be written here.

            As we went near my hotel, he pointed at a five storied building which stood in between all those black factories, saying that it’s our factory. Then after crossing NH-8 at an under construction bridge, we reached my hotel where I must stay for the rest of my life, in Ahmadabad of course. He left me after telling tomorrow’s schedule.     

            Finally, here I am, all alone with few non living things like luggage, mobile, tv, bed etc. anyway for me, being alone is not a big problem, I am good if I have a mobile, and I am better if I have a thought along with pen and paper. But I am the most dangerous one to be with myself. I can’t explain this statement, but as far as I know about me, it’s correct. I spoil myself when I am alone, but the best comes out when I am alone. So we can take ‘lonely me’ as an example for pure dichotomy.

            As I got six more hours to spend before the day turns out to be ‘my second day of real job’, I thought of having an evening walk along with supper in climax. So, at around six in evening, I came down in a black t-shirt and white three-fourth. I went to near-by restaurant and after spending enough useless time with menu card, I opted for noodles as it is safe to have Chinese when u are hungry in Gujarat. Because, here if you ask for chillies, they’ll serve with sugar, and if you have enough guts and u ask them why, the answer will be “meeta ke bhina khana kaise kayoge yaar”. They want everything sweet, in fact dining table in our office is having two bowls, one filled with jaggery and other with mango pickle. But unfortunately, a sweet mango pickle, I don’t know where on the hell they learnt making a mango pickle which is sweet. These people love sweet to such an extent that they will eat jiggery while eating that sweet pickle, something I don’t even dare to think of. That much sweet makes me sick. Thank god, luckily, here alcohol is banned “lekapote mandu loki munching ki kuda bellam ea”.

            Therefore, after having my semi-sweet noodles, I had a glass full of buttermilk so that nothing goes wrong. After getting rid of 60bucks, I was on streets, again. Here food is a bit less-expensive, which doesn’t mean that it’s cheap. So many varieties are available as people are very much fond of food. They’ll never keep their mouth empty, they’ll always keep eating something or other, or else they’ll chew pan with a local name ‘masala’. They’ll split everywhere making all the road sides red in colour. Every nuke and corner is be bestowed with a pan shop making it easy for anyone to have masala whenever, wherever.

            I brought an ‘orbit’ from near-by medical shop and sat on a railing beside our hotel to enjoy a single piece of orbit completely. I sat there chewing it and closed my eyes so that I can concentrate completely upon that sugar coated mint chewing gum, but the first thing that appeared after I closed my eyes is an innocent face and her forehead, I don’t know the reason, but.. but.. I really don’t want to remember that, and moreover I even don’t want to forget that particular instance, not only that, I don’t want to forget any particular second from those three months. In spite of loosing almost everything I feel glad that my life has got those three months, 84days 3hours 12min, precisely. Anyway, who wants to forget first love? More over we let it go, by ourselves. It was our decision to let it go and initially I had 70% share in that decision. When she asked me to come to their parents once, I convinced saying ‘em kadu le, ee three months chalava life long happy ga undatanki’. She asked that only once. Later, during last few days, my share has fallen down to 20% and I felt like having her throughout the life. But it was just a feeling, not a burning desire, not even a desire, so nothing happened. When you want something by all of your heart, the whole wide world conspires to bring that to you. All I want is her happiness and she don’t want to make her parents unhappy, so therefore the feeling of having her in my life was buried- alive. She is the most beautiful mistake of my life but not the worst mistake, because I got a big life ahead and I am the most mischievous one around. Therefore leaving a perfect person in life is not the worst mistake as it will never effect mankind, except me and may be her. Strictly speaking, I missed her, I still miss her, but I don’t regret for that because those three months were enough for me, and I have got enough memories.          

            A tear just went down my right cheek disturbing all these thoughts and my brain shouted “u idiot why are u doing this to yourself, just stop thinking, it’s all over, u forgot her, stop it, u are on streets of Ahmadabad, izzath khachra, stupid” then heart replied “marichanu anna marichedi ela, marichaka nenu batikedi ela” another tear. Then as I don’t want to mess up my first day, I started to my room, shutting down both brain and heart.

            The road was too narrow there because of under construction flyover in front of hotel. Still, everyone is speeding like they are on highway, honking horns. Everyone in Ahmadabad use their horns like their accelerators making the road noisy. For a second, I got shocked thinking how all this noise failed to disturb me. Everyone is trying to yell “kee keee.. maha raja sri thope thurum is coming, look at me”. I accept that people make noise in Hyderabad too, but they’ll yell “maha raja sri thope thurum is coming, side please”. I pointed out this because ‘side please’ is ok and ‘look at me’ is too much.

            In Ahmadabad, there are real look-at-me things which don’t need a horn to get attention because who will ignore when they see a Benz s-class or BMW 7-series is around. High end sedans are more compared to all other places because most of the people are business men and they always prefer bigger things. I’ve seen so many houses having four or five Benz or BMWs. One more reason is joint families with Benz or BMW each. But they don’t maintain these cars accordingly as they are common here, of course they don’t even maintain their houses properly. Here u can see a duplex worth 10 million with a big lawn appearing like a booth bungalow and I am sure that all the boothnaths inside will have a Benz parked in front of it making a sum of four or five per house.

            Finally, I thought ‘enough for roaming today’ and came back to my room with few sets of eyes watching me differently. I think may be because my French cut or short, because no one around is seen with either of these. So back to pavilion, me me and me, mind it, I am not alone. After 10 or 15min someone knocked, four guys came looking for me, all trainees, including two from Hyderabad. So I had a small introduction followed by chit-chat and they left after 15min.

            By 23:30, GMT+05:30, in Ahmadabad, I was laying on my bed closing my eyes and thinking…

 “my dear life, here I am, following u silently”  

My vibes

Mohan: Hello..

  Cheppu..

 me: em cheppali?

 Mohan: ok cheppaku..

12:24 AM me: em cheppakudadu?

 Mohan: correct gaa guess chesaa

12:25 AM nuvvu yemainaa cheppalanukunte parledu cheppu

 me: ante?

 Mohan: cheppaddanukunte cheppaku

12:26 AM me: em cheppodu ankunte?

 Mohan: orey namilestunnaavu raa baabuuu

12:27 AM me: em namultunna?

 Mohan: naa burra !

  my brain

 me: ok ok, chepta vinu

 Mohan: ippatidaaka akkayya.. ippudu nuvvu

12:28 AM :-(

 me: he he..

 Mohan: x-(

  sare cheppu

12:29 AM Hello cheppu hello..

 me: one sec

 Mohan: ok

12:31 AM me: i was in col till 3:15am on 1st and came back to col at 10, and ful work till the event finished

  and...

  when i was running on some worki saw her at around 4pm,

12:32 AM ,

  i forgot every thing

  every one

  and the work i had

12:33 AM she was smiling after seeing me spellbound, coz she knew thatshe already told "repu aypoyav po..."nenu padipothanu ani tanaki telusu

  but she was in hurry

12:34 AM so pleaded me that she'll come later and left me, with my thoughts around her

  but for that particular second, i felt like leaving the whole wide word aside..

12:35 AM i felt like spending time with her

  but she went away

12:36 AM later sat with her friends at steps and that too without any work,

  kaaliga unde badulu nannu kalavochu kada,

  annanu,

12:37 AM she replied "i cant, veelu kuda venakale vastaru"

12:38 AM for the next half an hour i was trying to talk to her, but everything was in vain coz of her friends

  later...

  the story begins now

12:39 AM i dont know the exact reason but its clear for me that i am not in mood, unfortunately, people around me noticed that.

12:40 AM its clear that something is wrong with me.

  i tried a lot to come back to normal, but everything i did spoiled much more

12:42 AM so i strted trying another way, i talked to others.

  and then i realised...

12:44 AM if we like someone from all of our heart,

  then everyone else will be nothig, we dont even care to look at them,

12:45 AM and later cow came, so i tried to come to normal, coz he is my other half, a pure half

  but cow thought i was in tension coz of anchoring and so left me without talking much

12:46 AM i felt like calling him back, but i know i cant

  and then.....

12:47 AM i remembered that there is my anchoring

  so i wanted to keep a fullstop to this struggle

12:48 AM i've stopped her when she is on her way to canteen and told everything

  she tried a lot to cheer me up,

12:49 AM and later almost cried and later warned me to practice for that

12:51 AM Mohan: Speechless boss..

  :-|

12:52 AM Can i tell you one thing i am just looking into myself..

12:54 AM may be the same things i used to do..

12:55 AM but it's true from your end i can understand.. nothing wrong with you

  but the magic is she is also correct from her end..

12:56 AM me: but iam luckier here coz she never spoke to me like..

  "na kante ne work imp aa?

  nenu piliste kuda rava?

  moreover

12:57 AM she was much worried about my performance,

12:58 AM Mohan: Hmmm..

 me: at that particular sec she was ready to do anything for me so that i perform well

 Mohan: That's just great.. :-)

1:00 AM me: i was sitting and she was standing in front of me and asked.. please na kosam ayna normal ga avvava, lekapothe nenu feel avvalsi vastadi

  ippudu vachanu kada, inkem kavali?

 Mohan: Hmmm..

1:01 AM me: and then as her friends are waiting, she left.

1:02 AM and my phone was ringing, it was her

1:03 AM Mohan: Hmmmmmmm..

1:04 AM me: then we spoke for about 5min and then i almost came back to my own mood, ALMOST..!

1:06 AM and when she was about to leave, as it was getting late, she asked me to come near canteen and there we talked for about 6min, she told me all the best for my anchoring left to her home.

  and iam back, completely

 Mohan: Hmmm..

  Perfect.. :-)

1:08 AM me: but today she told

1:10 AM Mohan: ??

 me: "ninnna antha mood off ayte ela, nenu em antha imp kadu'

1:11 AM tokkalo anchoring, naku mood ledu annanu madyalo

1:12 AM aa dialoge appudu tanaki kopam vachindi anta,

  "kurchune unnav kada, tala paina okkati iddamu anpichindi"

1:13 AM Mohan: nice :-)

1:14 AM i mean nice girl.. inthaku nijam cheppu thanu kottaledaa ninnu ?

1:15 AM me: ledu, may be coz i am not in mood and nenu inka dull avtanemo ani..

1:17 AM velipoye mundu gillindi "oye! ee lokam loki ra, sarigga cheppakapote chudu" annadi.

1:18 AM but ful hands shirt undaga ammayi gillithe asalu cheema kutinatlu kuda undadu kada, so antha ga effect padaledu le

1:19 AM Mohan: :-)

1:22 AM me: i think its time for u to leave! its 23:45 now!

1:23 AM Mohan: Hmmm.. it's ok noproblem..

  carry on..

1:24 AM me: thats all, remaining all small small things.

  which i dont remember much

1:25 AM Mohan: ok ok..

  nice very nice things happend..

  ok good

1:27 AM Hope ecerything is fine now..

  That's good..

  :-)

1:28 AM me: not jus fine, its more than that

1:29 AM Mohan: ofcourse

1:31 AM me: ok mari, inkemana unda?

 Mohan: as of now nothing..

  But nice flow of incidents ..

  :-)

1:33 AM me: nice to hear..!

1:34 AM Mohan: not exactly to hear.. nice to feel even hard at some times..

  :-)

1:35 AM me: hello inka vadley, in few days everything will be history

 Mohan: Ha.. Ha..

  ok chalo bye..

  Have a nice time..

  :-)

1:36 AM me: ok bye, take care

 Mohan: Thanks..

 me: for what?

1:37 AM Mohan: small request. call akkayya once if you can ..

  that's why..

 me: ya ok

  bye

1:38 AM Mohan: bye..

First word

 

 

 

 

4^th June ‘09

22:20 

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Hi mom!

             

              Before I start with this let me tell u, I love u more than all these words can ever say. But, I never realized the depth at which I loved u, when you are around.  How funny life is, before we get to know what it is, half of it’ll be over. In my case, before I know what true life is, u left me alone. 

      The actual true life is the time we spend when our loved ones are around. And when they are around, even the failure makes us stay happy. What is winning without any hand to pat on your back? When there is nobody to yell “well done my boy”, what for we do it well?  Or forget doing well, why should we do?  That’s why I’ve started doing… nothing. Yep! I left everything behind, painting, novels, eating, reading and mainly, living. I am not doing those because I never did those for my sake. I never wrote internal exams for even 30min when u r not at home. Because I don’t need to study for my pleasure. I do such things only because I wanted to see the happiness in your eyes when I achieve something. I still remember the days when I stand on the stage for achieving school first, and the first thing I do is I’ll search for u in the parents block. And I never even consider when that math sir scolds me for the mischievous things I do, but I still remember the day when he complained u regarding my shouting in the class. I still remember how u felt bad and stayed silent till we reached home.  That’s the difference between. I considered things only because u do.

    The exceptional thing I considered for my own pleasure is my interest on the automobiles. And because I consider that, u do. That’s love. You learned the names of various automobile companies just for a pep talk with me. And later, when I joined college, our talk included the girls I met and your college days. May be that period is the most glorious one in my life. If I stayed at home even in the schooling, then I would have been the pure replica of yours. I still am, but not completely. I got that perfection of yours, and the will too. They are in my DNA.

            But I know that the responsibility made you mould your self with the circumstances. I don’t have guts to comment on that. But I know that u are the one I got influenced by. But u left me in the middle of the ocean of life. And I tried to get drowned, but I am still here and alive. And moreover I am sick with the feeling that everybody around are just looking at me helplessly as I am getting spoiled.  That’s why I jus thought of getting back on the track. I know it is the toughest task than getting spoiled, but at least let me make those few happy, who care for me. I’ve just thought of it and I think I am on my way back, to the life, but without any love.

              When I cried thinking of your absence, she told me one thing, “enduku edustunav? Me amma ne pakkane undi chustu untaru, tanu badha padtaru, please edavaku” I don’t know if u r there or not, but I believed that. Hope I’ll get to the top one day, and I’ll search for u, be there to pat on my back…. Please mom!